Cuando se entabla una relación de pareja se piensa en hacerlo con una persona buena, respetuosa y que lo haga sentir bien a su lado; no obstante, a veces sucede lo contrario y se termina con alguien que no solo destruye los sentimientos, sino que nos pisotea el autoestima.

Las relaciones destructivas empiezan siendo muy seductoras, junto a una pareja que brinda la seguridad y protección que siempre se ha anhelado. Con el tiempo se tornan posesivas y controladoras.

Quien lo vive siempre justifica estas acciones, ya sea diciendo que es una forma de demostrar el amor o que provocó el enojo, pero cuando menos lo piensa se encuentra en medio de una relación sentimental tóxica que lo llevará a la manipulación, al miedo y la culpa, emociones que minarán su personalidad.

Recuerde que eso dejó de ser amor desde que faltó el respeto por el otro. Quedar atrapado en una relación destructiva con el paso del tiempo lo lesionará y le podrá provocar un estado de depresión y frustración del que es muy difícil escapar.

Si no sabe cómo salir de esta relación sentimental, expertos consultados dan algunos consejos para lograrlo y superar esta situación que a veces no es problema de dos, sino de uno.

“Hay que entender que toda relación de pareja vive momentos de discusión, no obstante cuando se vive una experiencia de agresión y descontrol se debe tratar de frenarla. La mejor manera de hacerlo es desviando en ese momento la atención hacia otra cosa, algo neutral, por ejemplo hablar de una situación del trabajo o con los niños (sí existen), para que diluya la tensión entre los dos y no se presente una carga emocional.

Si la pareja hace lo contrario y solo se concentra en lo negativo, esto solo empeorará la situación; lo aconsejable es controlar, repito, esa alteración emocional, dialogar con la pareja y no sobredimensionar, así ninguno se sentirá víctima. De lo contrario será como una deuda pendiente que siempre pasará su cuenta de cobro, pues algo no ha sanado. Si se logra esto, la pareja podrá avanzar.

El ideal es salir de esa situación emocional negativa con la misma pareja, superar la tensión y llegar a acuerdos positivos.

Hay algo clave, la persona que se cree la víctima o la ven así, tiene que analizar si es un problema del otro o de él mismo, tomar conciencia y corregirlo; de otro modo, así acabe esa relación repetirá situaciones similares con sus otras parejas, pues siempre llevará una carga emocional y una sensación de fracaso, que finalmente lo llevará a un círculo vicioso donde creerá que el otro es el culpable, cuando el problema en el fondo puede ser por él mismo”.

¿Cómo salir de estas relaciones destructivas?

Es importante que la persona que la está viviendo sea consciente del daño que se está haciendo y de alguna manera del perjuicio que le está causando a su pareja al permitirle un trato indigno en la relación.

Partiendo de ese punto es importante tomar consciencia de que las relaciones de pareja no son buenas cuando van en detrimento de alguno de los dos o de ambos. Las relaciones de pareja son favorables y útiles solo cuando favorecen la vida de ambos generando crecimiento en todos los sentidos.

Por eso cuando la persona siente que su dignidad está siendo maltratada, debe alejarse aún cuando el sentimiento perdure; es una decisión que requiere voluntad.

¿Por qué algunos no se dan cuenta que están viviendo este tipo de relación?

En algunos casos el referente de vida ha sido de relaciones disfuncionales, la persona se acostumbra, tiende a repetir patrones de conducta y está convencido que esa es una forma normal de relacionarse.

En otros se crean relaciones dependientes que reducen la autoestima generando inseguridad y fortalecen la creencia de que sin esa persona es imposible vivir.

En otros casos, aún cuando se tiene consciencia del error al vivir en una relación disfuncional, la falta de voluntad no permite evolucionar.

Descubra si está en una relación destructiva

1. ¿Lo hace sentir bien su pareja?

Si__ No__

2. ¿Sigue sus propios principios o complace solo los de él?

Si__ No__

5. ¿No hace nada sin antes comunicárselo a su pareja?

Si__ No__

6. ¿Tiene la suficiente confianza en usted mismo como para tomar cualquier decisión?

Si__ No__

7. ¿Le tiene la suficiente confianza a él/ella o le tiene miedo?

Si__ No__

8. ¿La amenaza constantemente?

Si__ No__

9. ¿Se pone celoso por cualquier cosa?

Si__ No__

10. ¿Deja que se divierta con sus amigos o le prohíbe cualquier contacto con ellos (sutil o abiertamente)?

Si__ No__

11. ¿Se siente una persona dependiente de él?

Si__ No__

12. ¿Se siente con la capacidad de dejarlo?

Si__ No__

13. ¿Es realmente amor lo que siente o solo es miedo, costumbre, necesidad económica o dependencia?

Si__ No__

*Si la mayoría de las respuestas son afirmativas, evalúe con toda sinceridad si vale la pena continuar con una relación tormentosa.

PREGUNTAS Y RESPUESTAS

Una decisión, un apoyo

‘¿En qué me apoyaré ahora que tome la decisión de abandonar esa relación?’, pude ser la pregunta que le surge tras finalizar este tipo de relación. La Orientadora de familia Elsa Pinilla de Serrano, lo invita a reflexionar con los siguientes consejos:

* Cada uno es libre de tomar las decisiones que favorecen su vida.

* El objetivo de vivir en este mundo es servir a los demás y con nuestra vida ayudar a que quienes nos rodean puedan vivir bien; para poder lograr esto es necesario sentirnos bien con nosotros mismos, de esa manera podemos amar a quien nos merece.

* Es clave dejar el pasado atrás: ‘cuando el pasado te llame no contestes, no tiene nada nuevo que ofrecerte’, siempre es mejor construir presente.


Este contenido ha sido publicado originalmente en Vanguardia.com en la siguiente dirección: http://www.vanguardia.com/entretenimiento/galeria/313611-como-salir-de-una-relacion-destructiva. Si está pensando en hacer uso del mismo, recuerde que es obligación legal citar la fuente y por favor haga un enlace hacia la nota original de donde usted ha tomado este contenido. Vanguardia.com - Galvis Ramírez y Cía. S.A.

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